Two stories featuring a coffee shop

Two stories featuring a coffee shop. Only one has a vague fitness connection, but I found both quite funny.

I didn’t think I could be embarrassed being in Lycra anymore

Once you’ve been running (or cycling, or anything outdoors-y that requires well-fitting clothing) for a while you just don’t care. It’s your badge of honour, it says “I’ve just done / am about to do / am in the process of doing something awesome”.  Last Sunday, this changed. Due to a complicated set of arrangements, my car had been left on the other side of Chippenham and needed to be collected. In a rare moment of keenness I decided to cycle over, put my bike in the back of the car and then drive home.

As I drove home with a smug feeling of “I actually went on my road bike – on my own!” I decided to call into my new favourite coffee shop and buy a takeaway drink (in my reusable cup, natch). I parked right in front of the plate glass windows, strode in in my all-Lycra glory and waited my turn. As I strode back out I was aware of the stares of fellow cafe go-ers (you know when you see thought bubbles coming out of people’s heads? These said “wow – I don’t know what she’s wearing, but she’s obviously in the middle of some epic sporting endeavour”).  I then ruined it by not climbing back onto a bike and cycling off into the sunset, but by getting back into my car in full view of the entire cafe and driving off. Sigh.

cappuccino cup with drawing on scum

“We’re in England for God’s sake!”

Co-incidentally I was back at the same coffee shop whilst I killed time after my swimming lesson. It was quiet in there (Monday morning) with just a few customers. Whilst I waited for my drink a man came in and stood behind me eyeing up the menu board. As the manager asked what he’d like, the chap exclaimed “Why do they have these stupid words for the sizes? Why can’t they just say small, medium or large?”

The manager was politely explaining that a primo means a small in Italian, a Medio is medium, but he’s interrupted by “I know what the sizes ARE, but why aren’t they in English? We’re in England for God’s sake they should be in ENGLISH!”

Pauses for breath, then he added “I’ll have a cappuccino”.

I had to bite my lip from adding “Don’t you mean a frothy coffee?” whilst smiling sweetly.

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